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  • Writer's pictureKimmy Higginbotham

My Shamanic Journey

I start in a huge, green meadow - a forest surrounding - one large tree in the middle. White flower petals blowing in the breeze and tall grass. At the sound of the drum a hole appears at the base of the tree near the roots - like in Totoro. I squeeze my way down and land on a giant, spongy, moss bed. Bright green. I can smell the rotting leaves and moisture and moss. There is earth all around and roots. I can hear twittering and I look up and there are small white birds, up in the roots above. I stand to follow them. I begin to run - following their flight - through a forest of roots. I am joined by small woodland animals. A rabbit. A fox.

I come to a huge, open world and a chasm. I am up very high looking down cliffs to an ocean. I can smell the salt water on the breeze and taste the spray. I easily jump across the chasm, still at a running pace. I land softly. I want to try to go down the cliff. I start to climb down, but the birds are twittering and flying slowly around me. They are telling me to let go. I do. I drift, like I have a parachute carrying me down into the water. I love the water. It is warm and gentle even amongst the rocks and I feel I could float and swim here forever... but something is calling me down. To dive deep. Deeper. Deeper. And keep swimming under the water. I see light. I swim to the light and come up in a cave. Shallow water and rocks gently waving into it.

Here I get lost in my mind. I don't want to go any further. Not that I have an aversion. Just no desire. I feel the rough walls of the cave. I explore the idea that I'm scared of the cave... but I'm not. I'm simply not interested. I imagine a medusa on the rocks, and Gollum with Precious, and even a dragon. I imagine all of these things with amusement, not fear. Then I find a pile of pictures of dad, they are signed and dated on the back by whomever has left them. I have been here before. Someone else has been here since me. I see blackness. The cave has a little column and darkness behind it. I can't tell if maybe there is nothing else in the cave... I don't think it goes deeper. I walk around the column and come out and sit on the rocks with a knife and a piece of wood almost like the column wiped my memory of before and instead of being curious or scared or looking at the pictures, I forget it all. I'm just whittling wood.

I get the call back. I toss the knife and the little wooden figurine and dive head first into the shallow water, but it's not shallow. I go deep, deep, deeper and resurface in the ocean amongst the birds and large rocks. I swim freestyle to the cliff and begin to climb. Then, when I'm a little ways up, I let go and jump out - away from the cliff. Giant white wings explode from my body with brilliant gold light - no pain or fear - they exist in glory and love, and I fly to the top of the cliff. I jump the chasm. The wings are gone, but I'm barefoot and running free. I've been barefoot the whole time. I'm running through the forest, looking down. I say "hello" and "goodbye" to the rabbit and the fox - without saying anything with words. I get to the moss and run to the far wall of roots and begin climbing the roots up to the top where light is shining through the hole and on the last beat of the drum I pop through the hole up to my waist and open my eyes to see the image of myself coming out of the hole at the base of the tree - as if I am watching a movie of myself.

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