top of page
  • Writer's pictureKimmy Higginbotham

Communing with Nature Part 1

More proof that I'm not who I once was not who I want to be. I dream of gardens and being connected to the Earth on an almost Druidic level, and yet I can't even sit for 20 minutes in nature without needing a distraction from my fear. I'm afraid of buzzing. Of bees. Of mosquitoes, ants, flies, spiders, lice, bird flu, snakes, ticks, wild boars, deer, wolves, coyotes... I want to roll in the grass, but I can't. I want to climb in a tree, but I can't. I want to commune with nature, but I can't. And it fucking sucks. Honestly, it may be the single most disappointing thing about me. It devastates me on a core level, and yet, my anxiety is raging inside me as I sit here. And it's so ridiculous. It's a phobia. I hope to God I can fight and overcome it. Maybe this class assignment will help a little bit... if I can learn to embrace it, focus on it. Really listen and be present instead of distracting myself with reading or writing or drawing. Perhaps I need to start this session over? Or maybe this is just what I learn from session one and tomorrow I do better. I did sit and listen and observe for six minutes before I had to step away, maybe tomorrow I'll get farther.

April 27, 2020

3 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Feeling Like Jean Grey - A Poem

Silence is like sandpaper on my frontal love, But words make my ears bleed. The thought of speaking out loud to another person for even one more second fills my throat with gas Suffocates me And I lon

How Do We Endure - A poem

How do I endure When connection was the cure for my depression? How do I maintain a balance in my brain through touch suppression? How do I succeed When the contact that I need has been forbidden How

What Helps You Sleep at Night? - A prompt

I sleep best under warm blankets in a cold room. I sleep best with a body next to me. There's a song called "Weightless" that helps when I can't turn my mind off. A hypnosis recording with the voice t


bottom of page